10 Things I Wish I Knew About Finding a College Roommate
By Leila Metres
Content
For me, one of the scariest parts of going to college was the prospect of finding a roommate. Since I was coming to UMass Amherst all the way from Ohio and didn’t know any other students going here, I was pretty lost trying to figure out how to meet a roommate, and the stakes felt high. What if I was roomed with someone I didn't like or who didn't match with my lifestyle?
My friend at Kent State University described their housing process as involving an app called ZeeMee, a dating-app like experience where students swipe on roommates, which seems kind of hilarious and comes with its own pros and cons. But UMass’s structure is a little more open-ended. During both my freshman and sophomore years of college, it took me a long time to find my roommate, and I went through tons of options before finally landing on the ones that stuck. Luckily, I had good relationships with both of my roommates while we were living together, and none of my worst fears came true. Here are some things I wish I had been told when I was starting this process:
1. Use social media to your advantage
The first thing I recommend to do when looking for a roommate is DM your information to the UMass Amherst 2030 Instagram page for them to post. This is pretty much the main landing page for incoming students to meet each other. (When I was searching for a roommate in Honors housing, I wished that there was a page specifically for CHC students to find each other. That being said, some people will put in their short bio that they’re looking for someone in Honors, so keep a lookout for that if you’re interested in Honors housing.) I also put my information on the Facebook page, but it didn’t really amount to anything.
2. Don’t be afraid to reach out directly
Unfortunately, just submitting your information to the page and waiting for your perfect roommate to find you doesn’t always work.
You’re going to have to dedicate some time to research—combing through the page, figuring out who seems interesting, and messaging as many people as possible.
At the very least, you can make new friends, even if you don’t end up as roommates. Reaching out can be as simple as saying, “Hey, I saw your post on the UMass 2030 page and you seemed cool. I also love Frank Ocean! Are you still looking for a roommate?”
3. Define and communicate your priorities upfront
Make a list of things that you’re looking for in a roommate. You can have multiple tiers: things that you MUST have in a roommate, and things that would be nice to have if possible. For me, the must haves were: CHC housing, respect for early bedtimes and wake-ups, not homophobic, and not being on the track team (so I could make friends in a different community instead of only having track friends!). When you start reaching out to people, bring up the questions that are most important to you. Think about your living habits—do you need a clean room? Someone who will also stay up late? Someone who doesn’t like going out?
Get those questions answered early so they don’t become a problem months later when you’re already living together.
4. Call people who you think might be a good fit
Once you’ve identified someone (or a few people) who you think you would live well with, calling on the phone is a great way to get to know each other a little better. Ask any lingering questions you have and see how your conversation flows. It can be super informal, but I found it helpful to hear and see a person instead of just pictures and words on a screen. After your call, I would recommend texting the person the next day (or a couple days later) to officially decide if you want to be roommates. That gives you both time to think about if you’re a good fit or talk to other people instead of immediately jumping into something you’re not sure about yet.
5. Take rejections in stride
If you can avoid this, great! But sometimes, you might have to hear “no” before you hear “yes.” I know how frustrating it can be to think you’ve found your roommate, and then have them tell you they’ve decided to live with someone else. Now you have to start over from scratch!
It’s okay to be upset, but remind yourself that it doesn’t mean that you won’t find someone, or that you’ll make a bad roommate.
As an introvert, I found the process of searching for a roommate to be exhausting, and finding out that it was going to drag on longer was the last thing I wanted to hear. But I made it through, and I promise you will too. On to the next!
6. Make finding a roommate a group project
If you’re getting discouraged doomscrolling through the Instagram page, rope in your friends. Give them your list of roommate criteria and have everyone try to find options for you. I know firsthand that looking for a roommate can feel very lonely. The good news is that you only need one, but the bad news is that when you’re struggling to find that one, it’s easy to go down the rabbit hole of wondering why not a single person in the whole world wants to live with you. Your friends can help remind you that someone will be very excited to live with you; you just haven’t met them yet. And maybe they’ll find someone you missed who ends up being the perfect fit!
Last year, I ended up rooming with a transfer student who didn’t commit to UMass until partway through the summer, and now she’s one of my favorite people!
7. Realize that sometimes your best friends don’t make your best roommates and your best roommates don’t make your best friends
Picking your roommate can be an opportunity to become closer with one of your friends, but it can also be an opportunity to meet someone new. Someone that you may be good friends with might have completely different living habits from you, and it can put strain on your friendship if you’re constantly having disagreements about living norms. And you might be surprised by how close you become with somebody new! But on the other hand, just because someone is your roommate, that doesn’t mean you have to become best friends either. Sometimes it’s okay to peacefully coexist without needing to go to all the same places or do all the same things.
My point is: your criteria for a roommate might be different from your criteria for a friend, and that’s totally fine.
8. Don’t try to find someone who is the same as you; find someone that you’re compatible with
I’m a firm believer in the fact that you and your roommate don’t have to have the same schedules or living habits for things to work well. My freshman year, I often went to sleep early and woke up early for track practices, and my roommate often went out at night. But she never woke me up when she came in late, and I never woke her up when I went out early. If you’re a light sleeper, this specific situation might not work for you.
My point is, respecting one another’s space and time can go a long way when you’re living with someone who is different from you. The goal is not to find someone who is a carbon copy of you, but to find someone you can live well with.
9. Remember that everything will work out in the end
No matter what, you will figure it out. I struggled with feeling like I was behind in this process because some people had found roommates long before me. It took a lot of time and talking to many different people, and I often wondered if I would ever find a roommate. But I did! And worst case scenario, you’ll be rooming with someone randomly. (Which may not even be a worst case. One of my sister’s best roommate relationships was with a random roommate.) Either way, if you end up living with a roommate and it goes drastically sideways, you can always switch rooms. While of course it’s no one’s first choice, it’s comforting to know that it’s always there as an option. As long as you advocate for yourself, things will be okay.
10. Fill out the roommate agreement (no, seriously)
When you get to UMass, your RA will tell you to fill out a roommate agreement. It’s a bit of a repetitive form, but it’s extremely helpful in nailing down guidelines for how you and your roommate will share your space. No matter how you ended up together, this form should help set you up for a smoother time living together. Even though I laughed at how the form kept asking the same question in three different fonts, I think it really did make things easier to have clear expectations for each other. Fill out your roommate agreement first; save yourself stress later!
I hope these bits of advice give you some guidance while you embark on the roommate search process at UMass. While I had shared a room with my sister for many years growing up, I know that sharing a room is completely new to some people going into college, so finding a roommate may be even more intimidating for you than it was for me.
Trust the process, and try to enjoy getting to know new people along the way. The search won’t last forever, but the friendships that result just might.
Featuring
Leila Metres
