An Introvert’s Survival Guide to Starting College

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Starting over in a new place is daunting for anyone, but there’s a heightened sense of unease for introverts. College life is the extrovert’s paradise. Peers are always around, even in your own room. And while some people come into UMass Amherst with a whole group of friends from high school, others—like myself—come in not knowing anyone.

As an introvert, one of the times I feel it most is when meeting new people. Some people get really excited to meet and learn about new peers. But I find myself dreading every second when I don’t have a friend there to lean on. When I get into new social situations, I forget everything that I like about myself and think anyone would be stupid to strike up conversation with me, so I might as well just hightail it out of there before someone sees that I dared step foot in the same room as them.

Unfortunately, friends don’t appear out of thin air, and there are times that you’re going to have to leave your comfort zone in college. So, here are my top pieces of advice for managing your introversion while succeeding in a place that seems designed for extroverts:

Remember that extroverted work is not forever.

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Yes, there are going to be times when you have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations in order to get what you want or need—whether that’s making a new friend or getting help in a class. In Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, Susan Cain speaks about the importance of internal monologue in your experience as an introvert doing extroverted things. She explains on page 217 that your internal monologue should be, “I’m doing this to advance work I care about deeply, and when the work is done I’ll settle back into my true self,” not, “The route to success to be the sort of person I’m not.”

By reminding yourself that this is not forever, and you only have to do the uncomfortable thing for a short time in order to achieve what you want, it’ll it’ll make the task at hand feel more manageable.

Use UMass’s size to your advantage.

While a large school might seem overwhelming or crowded—especially for an introvert—I believe it offers its own unique opportunities. All my previous schools were so small that if I saw someone once, I would definitely see them again, probably within the same day. But at UMass, giving a random compliment to a stranger feels a lot easier because I can bet on never seeing them again. It also means that if something uncomfortable happens, unless it’s with someone directly in your dorm or program, you can most likely avoid them with ease. There are so many people here that one failed social interaction won’t ruin your social standing, like the way it can in high school. Many people will have completely forgotten about you by the time you’ve walked past them, which I find quite freeing.

A big school might feel like a lot—but it also means endless opportunities. Photo: Nina Prenosil

If one group doesn’t work for you, don’t lose hope. 

I can’t emphasize enough how many people go to this school. You will find your niche, no matter who you are. I know it can be disheartening to put the mental effort into hanging out with someone just to find out they’re not your cup of tea. It’s like you gathered all that social battery for nothing! But figuring out that a group is not for you is almost as valuable as finding one that is, because it can help you identify red flags you want to avoid in the future. I was lucky to be on a sports team, so I was gradually getting to know the people I saw at practice every day. This took some of the pressure off of finding a group on my own. 

Joining other teams or clubs with built-in support systems can really help if you’re feeling stuck.

Take the time that you need for yourself.

Though it may feel like it sometimes, you don’t need to change who you are just because you’re in college. I often take time for myself by reading a book or going on a solo bike ride on the Norwottuck Rail Trail. My first-year roommate would usually go out at the same time I was going to bed, which became a nice time to recharge by myself. Having these pockets of introverted time, whatever they may look like for you, will make a huge difference in giving you the energy and willingness to take part in more extroverted activities when you have to.

Those quiet moments to recharge help you show up as your best self in a busy world.

Make the next right choice.

This last tip is something that brought me a lot of comfort in my initial days at UMass. There’s so much to figure out when you start college: Where are the closest dining halls? How do you get into the gym? What do you wear on a night out? I don’t remember who said it, but early in my time at UMass, someone gave the advice to just make the next right choice. 

You don’t need to know everything all at once. Just focus on doing the next right thing, and everything else will follow. 

This helped me feel a lot more at ease while I was still uncertain about many things. One step at a time.

Your introversion is a superpower; use it to form quality relationships in college.

When I first started college, I was scared of succumbing to the trope that my first group of friends would fall apart completely. I suppose this could still happen, but if it brings you any comfort, I believe introverts are uniquely suited to avoid this. I put a lot more effort into forming close individual friendships, instead of jumping at the first group I spent time with. Because it takes longer for introverts to figure out who we trust and feel comfortable with, we may make more long-lasting friendships in this transitional period. 

Even though it can be hard to be an introvert in college, this stage of life also provides a level of independence and choice fitting for us. Don’t want to talk in all your classes? Great, sign up for some lectures. Want to eat dinner alone because your social battery is drained from the day? No one will bat an eye. 

Before you know it, you’ll be settled into your routine and living your best introverted life.