Far From Home But Not From Heart: Five Ways to Stay Close with Long Distance Partners, Friends, and Family

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I wish I could tell my dog when I leave for college that I’m not leaving forever.

If you were to ask me the hardest part about going to college far from home, I would say it has been experiencing big life events without some of the most important people in my life.

It was sad to face Valentine’s Day without my girlfriend, and strange to celebrate my birthday without my family. I’m constantly asking my parents and sister to send me pictures of my dog, which is even more heartbreaking because I can’t communicate to him that I’m coming back. It also means a lot to me to have people there to cheer me on at track meets, which isn’t as frequently possible here.

Having family members and friends at track meets in high school was really fun.

But just because the distance can be challenging at times, that doesn’t mean it has to negatively taint your college experience. These strategies I’m about to highlight have helped me manage thriving in college while being far from many of the people that I love.

1. Schedule Regular Calls

One thing that makes it easier to manage the distance is setting up regular calls with your loved ones. No matter what happens throughout the day or week, you have this time to update your loved ones and hear about their lives as well. FaceTime is great because you can see each other’s faces and also show them around your new space. 

But what actually makes an effective check-in? Make sure to invite your loved ones into your life. Share a class project you just finished with them. Send them the link to that performance you just did. Show them what you’ve been cooking recently. Help them feel like they’re experiencing life there with you. 

2. Pomodoros/Work Dates

Even when your schedule is really busy and you don’t have as much time for casual check-ins, you can still connect with your loved ones through work dates. Doing pomodoros on FaceTime (20 minutes working, 5 minutes break) has been really helpful for me. It provides an opportunity to connect while not feeling like you’re wasting time getting behind on all the tasks you have ahead of you. This is also a win-win because having an accountability partner while working can help you gain motivation to do something you’ve been putting off.

My sister and I meet every week on Thursdays to do homework on FaceTime together.

3. Watch a Show/Read a Book Together

Though work dates are great, it’s important to not make all of your bonding time work-focused. That’s why my girlfriend and I started our personal book club together a couple of years ago, and it’s one of the key things I point to for the success of our long distance relationship. One of the hardest parts of long distance is that it’s much harder to create opportunities for quality time together. But reading a book or watching a show gives you something to discuss and connect over.

The most recent book my girlfriend and I finished was The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. This is the eleventh book we’ve read while being long distance.

4. Send Snail Mail

When you’re tired of only seeing someone through a screen, exchange letters or packages through the mail. People don’t send snail mail as much as they used to, but it’s such a nice way to remind your loved ones how much they mean to you. It’s exciting to receive something in the mail that’s not Discover trying to sell you a credit card or a politician asking for money, and having a tangible reminder that someone cares about you can make a world of difference when the distance is weighing on you.

I’ve always found it fun to send and receive snail mail.

5. Plan Your Next Visit!

Sometimes calls and letters just won’t cut it. In these cases, it’s helpful to know when you’re going to see your loved ones next. When you say goodbye, try to have a date on the calendar already marked off for your next visit or trip home. This is a great way to remind yourself that you won’t be apart forever, and it’ll give you something to plan together and look forward to. It can also be really fun to create a countdown to check back in on.

Bonus: Put Effort into Creating a Community Here

It’s natural to miss your people from home, but at the end of the day, it’s important to make sure that isn’t preventing you from creating a new community in college. Forming new bonds is the most surefire way to make a place feel more like home. Your newfound friends won’t replace any of the other important people in your life, but they will help you find comfort in an unfamiliar setting and provide a shoulder to lean on when you need it.

Just because you chose to go to college far from home, that doesn’t mean you want to feel disconnected. By scheduling time for your home friends and family, balancing work and play, sending mail, and making future plans, you can ease some of the growing pains that come with homesickness and missing your people. This can free you up to focus on investing in yourself and developing your independence in a new place—whether it’s a couple-hour drive away or a whole different country.

Being a part of the track team at UMass helped me find community far from home.