So, like, what’s your sign?

Does the positioning of space stuff have a direct impact on your life and personality? You tell us! See how eerily accurate your horoscope is—then share your thoughts with us by beaming them into the sky on the next full moon. The universe will definitely hear you and pass your comments along.

Pisces | February 19 to March 20

True love will intersect your path this month when you accidentally walk through a carefully planned marriage proposal for a couple two years younger than you. Never fear—Sam the Minuteman will witness the entire debacle and offer you a shoulder to cry on.

Aries | March 21 to April 19

Although now is a great time for you to think about giving back, you’ll likely bring up more questions than answers when you volunteer to be an on-campus experimental test subject. Maybe stick to working at a Founder’s Day fundraising booth instead.

Taurus | April 20 to May 20

As Saturn begins to rise, you may start to wish you had chosen a different major. Fear not: The stars show, with the utmost certainty, that no matter your major, you still would not understand Bitcoin.

Gemini | May 21 to June 20

Upon our first consultation of the celestial positions, your day looked particularly promising. However, we realized we were using the UMass Sunwheel as our guide, which, we were told (sternly), should only be used for studying astronomy. However, we can say with absolute certainty that those Geminis with birthdays closer to the solstice will have more daylight in which to celebrate.

Cancer | June 21 to July 22

The stars implore you to practice celestial-level patience—and suppress your crabby instincts—as you try to drive through campus during the next passing period between classes.

Leo | July 23 to August 22

You’ll undergo a crisis of conscience when you realize that, despite being a proud UMass alum, you haven’t actually read every article in UMass Magazine.

Virgo | August 23 to September 22

As a Virgo, your perfectionist nature is usually well received. However, the fact that you have memorized every word of Twelfth Night will instead be met with frustration as you recite loudly over the student actors rehearsing in the Fine Arts Center.

Libra | September 23 to October 22

You never understood why you didn’t make it onto any of the high-performing UMass athletic teams. But don’t worry, all will become clear when you pull a hamstring simply cheering from the McGuirk bleachers.

Scorpio | October 23 to November 21

With Mercury in retrograde, your sensitive Scorpio soul may feel a little more emotional than usual. Hence your meltdown after learning that No. 1-ranked UMass Dining has discontinued your favorite dish for a more sustainable option sourced from the Student Farm.

Sagittarius | November 22 to December 21

You may think you didn’t make that big of an impression while on campus, but, rest assured, that weird thing you did in your sleep sophomore year was the catalyst for your ex-roommate’s groundbreaking research in the Netflix-famous UMass Somneurolab.

Capricorn | December 22 to January 19

With Mars, Venus, and Mercury all in flux, you may feel increased chaotic energy in your life. Now is definitely not the time to take on the aggressive pack of geese blocking your path to the W. E. B. Du Bois library. The stars implore you to wait until next week. And maybe team up with the Du Bois falcons.

Aquarius | January 20 to February 18

Jupiter is dominating your chart, revealing that you are equally likely to become UMass Amherst’s most famous—or infamous—alum.

For more fun, take our (very official) poll about what Massachusetts residents should be called!