University of Massachusetts Amherst

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Sometimes Daisy feels like a bad mother because she doesn’t get to spend as much time as she’d like with her son. Though she often becomes frustrated and overwhelmed, Daisy tries to find joy in simple moments. “When he throws his food on the clean floor, he makes a face, and he laughs,” she says. “Even though I don’t want to, I laugh too.”

Video Transcript

After all these years wanting him, he was finally here. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. I didn’t even cry. I remember making nobody would touch him without washing their hands. I would wake up to any noise he would make at night. I would always have his bottles prepared and have them close to me. Never would I let anyone take him unless I was around. He never had to worry about being changed, because I was on top of it.

Now, as he’s grown, I still worry, just a little less I’m not going to say I’m irresponsible, because I’m not. But sometimes, but sometimes I feel like a bad mother. Well, most of the time, because I feel like I don’t spend as much time with them as I should and because when I’m mad at him, I scream. I don’t mean to, it just comes out. He frustrates me. It’s hard to be “on” all the time, playing peek-a-boo and stacking blocks. Sometimes I cry. And sometimes I just want him to be in a nice photo, hanging on the wall. But I love that boy! When he throws his food on the clean floor, he makes a face, and he laughs. Even though I don’t want to, I laugh too. At the end of the day we cuddle. He touches my face and ears as he falls asleep.