You are cordially invited not to attend.
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Welcome, dear friends, to this prestigious non-event. Pull up a fake chair! Warm yourself by this non-existent fire! Is that your second imaginary Pinot grigio? You’re sooooo bad! What a treat this is for you! And let me start by first saying, “You’re welcome.” To have THE Rob Corddry give the keynote address at a non-existent fundraiser is truly a “get.” Have you seen I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry? Yes, it is I, Protester Number 1. Again, you are WELCOME. |
Our purpose for not-coming here tonight is to raise money for our theater department. As a young, boardtreading upstart fresh from my high school’s annual senior class production of Bye-Bye Birdie, I was welcomed with arms (some even open) into the UMass Amherst Department of Theater. My learned profs eventually gave me their blessing, telling me that I had the skills to some day become a professional actor. What they neglected to tell me was that, if this happened, I would one day be called upon to raise money for them. Signing a young fan’s breast it is not . . . but I’ll take it.
So, here we aren’t. Not-sitting comfortably at this fictional fundraiser. You didn’t even have to take your pajamas off. What’s that? You don’t wear pajamas? Well ho-ho!
Delight for a second in the time it did not take you to notshower,
to not-wait for your wife to put on her damn
makeup, and to not-get in the car and drive half drunk to
a function that you did not-not want to not attend anyway.
Again . . . YOU. ARE. WELCOME!
You can repay us by smashing that jar of pennies you had labeled, “For the Drama Nerds” and sending it along. Maybe someday we’ll have a real party. And maybe we’ll meet there—you, a young supporter of the theatrical arts, and I, the guy who played, The Guy Often Seen Behind Luke Wilson in Old School. If so, I will gladly autograph your breast.
—Rob Corddry
Project Details
HELP us upgrade the Upper Rand Lobby into a usable classroom space.
The UMass Amherst Department of Theater’s classrooms have long been stretched beyond their capacity. As a result, we have for years pressed into service the Upper Rand Lobby— the rough equivalent of studying acting in your neighbor’s garage.
Our goal is to create a functional classroom and an inviting performance space for smallscale campus and community events. Upgrades will include an ergonomic floor, basic flexible lighting, and comfortable classroom furniture that would double as audience seating.
To make your gift of any amount, please download a PDF of our gift form and send it to:
Anna-Maria Goossens
Department of Theater, Fine Arts Center 112
University of Massachusetts Amherst
151 Presidents Drive
Amherst, MA 01003-9331
We invite you to follow our fundraising progress here, where we'll track how many Pennies for Drama Nerds we have collected and update you on the project's status.
Please save the date to attend our Play-In-A-Day event on May 8, 2010, when we will celebrate the success of this project.
Thank you for your support!
Proposed Changes
- Replace the concrete floor with a more ergonomic floor that is safer for movement
- Enclose the space
- install lighting that offers basic adjustment possibilities
- Purchase comfortable classroom furniture that could double as audience seating
Ways to Contribute
- If you'd like to make a contribution, download our gift form (in pdf), and mail it to the address on the form.
- Gift Form
- There are also other ways of helping students out, including support for tickets, internships, and professional development. Please contact Penny Remsen, Department Chair, at remsen@theater.umass.edu, for more information about all giving opportunities.
