Asunder- Barbara A. Rouillard

nothing and everything is now so important.

if our life together

had ignited the sky in a fiery glow, been blown apart

like theirs, all of theirs

I would spend my now solitary days in your closet

searching for you in the scent of flannel and khaki

crouching among your shoes, leather and canvas.

I would wear your pajamas to bed

the ones you wore

the night before

Life betrayed us.

for how long?

how long before you’d be gone

from your pillow, your side of the bed.

I will keep the windows closed and shuttered

I will hold on, hold on, clutching onto you,

you

pulled apart

from me.

their night before

I hope they slept without ghost of a shadow,

not a morsel, portending

what morning would bring.

hold on, hold on, hold onto

that night before, the night before, their night before

I hope they made love with a fervor, a renewed urgency

that carried them above their everyday lives, or

with the passion of the long-married:

television on or off, laughter, giggling and talk

within this, their familiar entanglement, but

either way, any way

I have them make love.

can i say it, have i said it enough?

how long?

how long before I

would lose you and us and our dreams

flying upward

flying downward.......................disappearing.............