Transcript: Jeff Taylor, guest speaker

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A monster welcome to the graduates and faculty, to the parents, families, and friends. I’m delighted to be here, finally. Twenty three years ago, I was 17 years old; I was standing in front of Pierpont trying to figure out what was going on in my life.

At forty, I’m still trying to figure it out.

I have so much to tell you and I’m really humbled by the fact that I don’t really know very much at all. So I decided to do a little research, I asked everyone I knew—Dr. Grammer aside—what they remembered about their commencement speeches and I got a big zero, absolutely nothing. I did some research. I looked at commencement speeches from Oprah and from Tom Brokaw and Jimmy Carter. Looking for qualified inspiration, I found some quotes from famous people, but not too much else.

Then it dawned on me what you really wanna do is have a good time at graduation, is that right?

[cheers] [applause]

So I asked if I could wear this contraption and come off the podium, can I do that?

[cheers]

All right, how many of your moms are currently on the Internet? Raise your hands. I know they’re here, so you can’t lie about it and also if you have anybody you know over sixty years old that you’re communicating with through e-mail and on the Web, raise your hands. All right, now that I got you going, how many of you have downloaded Napster?

[laughter] [cheers] [applause]

All right, Metallica asked me to collect your student IDs at the back on the way out.

[laughter]

Okay, now this is to see how good you really are. I’ve got some words that I’m going to say and I want you to give me some words back, can we do that?

[cheers]

All right, my first word when I talk about the future, I want you to say, “I believe”, can you do that?

No shit, you’re actually gonna do this right now, all right.

[laughter]

All right, we’re gonna talk about the future and you’re gonna say,

[Audience] I believe!

[Taylor] but I know you can be louder than that so I’m gonna talk about the future and you’re gonna say,

[Audience] I believe!

[Taylor] All right, I’m gonna talk about UMass. When I say UMass I want you to say “we rock”, can you do that?

[cheers]

So I’m gonna talk about UMass and you’re gonna say,

[Audience] We rock!

[Taylor] I can’t hear you!

[Audience] We rock!

[Taylor] I’m gonna talk about the new economy and I want you to say “to the Batmobile”.

[laughter]

All right, when I talk about the new economy I want you to say,

[Audience] To the Batmobile!

[Taylor] All right, if you got some attitude and I know you guys do today I want you to give a little head cock to the left when you say that.

[laughter]

Can you guys get out of here for a minute I’m trying to talk to my people here?

[laughter] [cheers] [applause]

I mean it. All right, so when I talk about the new economy what are you gonna say?

[Audience] To the Batmobile!

[Taylor] Ahh, I know you can say it louder than that. I have some guys in the back here that are gonna make some noise for me. Two more.

When I talk about graduation, I want you to say “Halleluiah”.

[laughter]

So when I say “graduation” you’re gonna say,

[Audience] Halleluiah!

[Taylor] Yah, but like some of you do when you say that I want you to put your arms in the air for me.

[laughter]

All right so I’m gonna talk about graduation and you’re gonna say,

[Audience] Halleluiah!

[Taylor] I can’t hear you, you can be louder than that. Graduation.

[Audience] Halleluiah!

[Taylor] One last one. When I say leadership—I’m gonna ask President Bulger to help me out with this one, can you do that? Why don’tyou…you wanna come up to the mic here when you hear that? No just yell it out.

[President Bulger] I’ll do whatever you tell me.

[laughter]

[Taylor] All right…ha ha. So when I say leadership,

[Bulger] Our soul, our spirit!

Taylor] Ha ha. All right, if he does that and he doesn’t miss his cue, I want you to say “uh huh”.

[laughter]

All right so I’m gonna talk about leadership,

[Bulger] Our soul, our spirit!

[Audience] Uh huh!

Taylor] You can be louder than that when I talk about leadership.

[Bulger] Our soul, our spirit!

[Audience] Uh huh!

[Taylor] Now actually I want you to work up the energy a little bit here, President.

[laughter] [applause]

I want you to come out for it. All right. I’m gonna talk about future and you’re gonna say

[Bulger] Our soul, our spirit!

[Taylor] Noooooooooo…ha ha ha ha!

[laughter] [cheers]

[Bulger] Oh, that was energy.

[Taylor] Sit down, we’ll get ya.

[Bulger] I’m in the wrong generation.

[laughter]

[Taylor] Here we go. Are you ready? You know what to do? Now I get my part. We are gathered here today to discuss the future.

[Audience] I believe!

[Taylor] I said, “the future.”

[Audience] I believe!

[Taylor] Gathered around me are the men and women of UMass.

[Audience] We rock!

[Taylor] I said, “UMass.”

[Audience] We rock!

[Taylor] We come together on a very special day. This day is graduation.

[Audience] Halleluiah!

[Taylor] I said, “ graduation.”

[Audience] Halleluiah!

[Taylor] This day is so important I suggest we take a moment and smell the virtual roses. Can we do that? Take your rose out in front of you, and I want you to take it in. You ready on three… 1, 2, 3…you got it? One more time. This is your moment here right now take that virtual rose, I want you to take it in. Very good. On the horizon I see things are not gonna stay the same, the new economy,

[Audience] To the Batmobile!

[Taylor] I said, “the new economy”

[Audience] To the Batmobile!

[Taylor] needs your help. Don’t confuse dot.coms’ demise with the continuous march of new technologies that are gonna rock our world. Every change will have more impact, it will have more relevance, with your individual contribution, your leadership.

[Bulger] Our soul, our spirit!

[Audience] Uh huh!

[Taylor] I said, “our leadership.”

[Bulger] Our soul, our spirit!

[Audience] Uh huh!

[laughter]

[Taylor] So, all eyes are on the future.

[Audience] I believe!

[Taylor] I said, “the future.”

[Audience] I believe!

[Taylor] All eyes are on each of you. UMass,

[Audience] We rock!

[Taylor] has given us the tools. UMass,

[Audience] We rock!

[Taylor] has honed our leadership.

[Bulger] Our soul, our spirit!

[laughter]

[Audience] Uh huh!

[Taylor] UMass rewards our hard work. This key milestone for your graduation.

[Audience] Halleluiah!

[Taylor] Give yourselves a nice round of applause.

[cheers] [applause]

All right while you’re up, stay up; I’d like to take a moment to recognize all the parents in the crowd. And to all you parents, you must be filled with great pride.

[cheers]

No more tuition bills, a little relief.

[applause]

And I’d like to say hello to my wife Janet, and my three kids Ryan, Brooke, and Cole, and my parents who are in the audience. Please join me in thanking our parents and families out here.

[cheers] [applause]

All right…it took me a little while to get here. For six years I attempted to go to classes at UMass.

[laughter]

I ran a bunch of businesses. I ran the tour guide service.

[cheers]

I was a business manager at the Collegian. I partied in a fraternity. I was a local DJ and I’m still a DJ today.

Fast forward 18 years, I speak a lot and I didn’t like the fact that I got introduced as “attended UMass”. The only thing worse than that was if they say I graduated when they introduced me, and I have to go up and say I didn’t graduate. So here I am today. I decided to go back to school. Where did I go, I went to Harvard Business School. I got an executive MBA. I went for three years and I graduated in 1999. On my graduation day I only had one thing on my mind: that I was gonna go back to UMass and get my undergraduate degree.

[cheers] [applause]

So here I am. As you know, most of you know I’ve dedicated my career to helping you love your jobs. If you don’t have your resume on Monster.com yet get it there and that’s my only infomercial.

[laughter]

We agonize, we worry, we dream, we fantasize, all about our careers. You’re doing it now you will do it your whole life.

Thoreau said most men (and women) lead lives of quiet desperation. As you go through your future, I've learned a few things I’d like to share them with you. First you’re the CEO of your own life. It’s the only thing I can guarantee you you’re the CEO of. So make sure you do something you love and do it as a job. If you can’t, try to get a job and do it on the side until you can do it full time.

Don’t let anybody tell you it can’t be done. Somebody told me I couldn’t name my company Monster and God dammit it worked.

[laughter] [cheers]

Prove yourself, how hard you can work. Most people talk today about working smart, you actually have to work hard, too. Especially coming out of school, make that extra effort, it’ll pay off. You make all your money in two-minute negotiations about every two years. The rest of the time, stop whining. All right? When you’re angry at your boss, write a letter… and then don’t send it.

[laughter]

Because you will want to take that letter back for the next few days and you won’t be able to. Use it as a way to organize your thoughts.
If you coast your only coast one way, and that’s what? Downhill. We cannot coast. The easy way out usually leads right back in. Today most of you realize you’re gonna be working with customers. It’s not enough to know them; you actually have to like your customers. Work at it. It’s fun if you like them.

If you go to a party, you should always dance.

[cheers] [applause]

Because if you don’t dance, what are you gonna say the next day? I should have danced, right? So make sure you dance. Okay, a couple more. The “good morning” response should always be returned by a “good morning” in return. Okay? This is not an opportunity to say, “What’s so good about it?”

[laughter]

This is a hello; it’s not a counseling session.

[laughter]

Don’t let anybody tell you how long you’re allowed to take a shower.

[laughter] [cheers] [applause]

Because you can reinvent the world in a half an hour shower.

[cheers]

As we get older, we digress—you gotta prove you’re younger than me by the way—but we are in a position as we get older that we are always narrowing our scope of information. I believe there’s a baseline expectation that you should try to stay an interesting person. Read the newspaper, read a book, do anything that will put a little input into your lives. Don’t just read the trade journals of whatever business or field you go into. You gotta stay as an easy—as really—an independent, but interesting person.

Two more things, eighty percent of life is showing up.

[laughter]

I’m telling you, most people do not show up. The opportunity to watch television or kickback is gonna be there. Somebody told me that I was lucky; I think luck is the result of hard work. That may not be true all around the world, but hard work will get all of you where you need to go in your lives.

The more nervous I am, the closer I know I am to actually learning something. Okay, I was a little nervous coming here this morning. I wanted to say hello to all my fellow graduates.

And in closing, I’m proud to stand before you today and share in this profound moment. Both a celebration of your hard work today, and a warm send-off to the future leaders of our great country. You are the first graduating class—officially—of the millennium.

[cheers] [applause]

You’ve come a long way, as long as you continue to be yourself, there’s nothing that separates my humble accomplishments from your potential. Your time at UMass, whether it was four years or 23 in my case, is an incredible investment in your future. When I say “graduation,” you say,

[Audience] Halleluiah!

[Taylor] When I say “UMass,” you say,

[Audience] We rock!

[Taylor] I said, “UMass!”

[Audience] We rock!

[Taylor] Thank you very much.

[cheers] [applause]

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